The Nothing that Kils

I dont what to get anything out of this. I've actually come to expect nothing for anything that I do. Its the way the world is...not cruel, not forgiving, but in the same sense, not happy, not kind, and not condeming. The world is confused. Any chance that anybody has to be kind is shot down by anothers abuse. Its quite sad. In a world where no one wants to give without first taking, or even worse...take without giving anything. I'm done.....Done with it all. But in the same sense I'm just starting it all. I have a new theory on life, I'm going to stop caring...while I care about everything. Life is one big rhetorical question. No answer..yet the answer is obvious. Life is also a metaphor for what comes next and what came first. The worst has to become the best...but you dont know what the worst is until you have seen the best. Its always cold before it is hot and hot before it is cold.....


So none of that probably made anysense to you...but it all makes sense to me. Love is life, life is breathing, love is not being able to breathe. This will be continued later...

good Day

I am much much much much much happier today. It probably has a lot to do with me talking to Faith a lot more. She is a very funny girl. Always has something funny to say that makes me smile. We are the same person. That is how much we have in common. Its to a point where we are one.

I love this time of year. The leaves changing color and the weather growing cool. It depresses a lot of people, but it inspires me. Its a good season to listen to some mellow accoustic music. Love is a better topic for fall than spring, well atleast for me. I dont see this as being the death of the world, nor do I see spring as being a rebirth. its too cliche to think like that. Give me a nice walk with a girl and a guitar bye the lake or something in the fall. I think its a lot more romantic than flowers and animals in the spring.

new poem. its not the best. but its unpolished. in its rough form. just writing here at the gville tech computer lab. not my best and def not my worst. more to come peoples....



About Love

The lessons you learn will take you far in life
And even if I’m not there with you
I want you to know that I care.
Even when it seems like I’m far away
I always wish I was by your side.
I’ll write you a note on a napkin
At the diner where I weep.
Though you cant read it
It’ll say the things that I cant speak.
It’ll say what I really want you to know.
Itll spell it all out before your eyes.

The sound of your voice
Will be my home away from home
A temporary comfort zone.
When we are together again
I’ll hold on and never let you slip away.
For now you picture will have to do
Stuck in my pocket, folded in two.
I’ll always keep it close by.
I’m tired of playing games in my mind.
It makes me feel so distant from you.
Stuck here wondering what to do

If love is a killer than I must be long gone,
Far Past the point of 6 feet under.
I just wish that you knew
What was going through my mind
Every time I see your smile
Or anytime you make me laugh
You are so good at that
Saying exactly what I want
Now its time to return the favor
But I just don’t have the words.
So I just stumble through lines

So many times I’ve let myself down
When every place I go
I cant help but to think of you.
Every song I write is for you
Even the ones that don’t end well
I’ve been through a lot
Just to make it to this point.
So im going to tell you the truth
Im sick, sick of being alone.
And I hope that you feel the same.
Make it easy for me please.

The distance is metaphorical.
A representation of what’s not real.
I could treat you like a queen
I would be your king,
Or if you prefer a jester.
Who longs for your heart.
But jokes to create a false reality.
Shoot it to me straight
Do I even have a shot?
I long for the answers
I just want to know.

dead man were you ever alive?

I had a pretty good weekend. Didnt get alot done though. I just purchased 4 tickets to the Carolina - Arkansas game and went with my parents. We got down there with plenty of time before the game and had a fly over right over us. It was sweet. Michael Phelps was at the game, which I thought was pretty cool.

My creativity is blocked now. I cant seem to write anything. It might be because life is boring now and I need something to spice it up. I dont feel like doing much of anything anymore. Im stuck in a rut. Work, school, work, school. I havent been a good student. I need to make sure that I do my homework and I probably should start studying. I was thinking about joining the armed forces...but those thoughts have passed. I do feel like I need to do something with my life though. I no longer feel like I want to keep up with the same major. No longer sure what I want to do with my life. I wish I wouldve worked harder in my past so I would be farther ahead now..... I might start pushing harder so I can get out of tech. I dont want to be here. I much rather be somewhere like USC, I would even be happy with upstate. I guess that I was looking too far ahead into being a grown up that I didnt look at the right road to get there. Im now unhappy.....................with everything......

Depression

I feel a bit depressed today. I dont know why either. It has nothing to do with the out come of this election either. America picked who they thought was best suited for the job.... i do think that the system is flawed though. Electorial College is not a representation of how the people feel. It makes it where only people in California, Texas, Ohio, Penn, and New York matter. We smaller states make no difference. But i dont want this post to be all political....



I feel down....... It might be because I'm tired of this being single crap...... Just havent found any girls I really like or any girls who are easy to talk to...every girl that i do like is already taken or i dont have a shot with..so yeah.

NIN show with some more important stuff....

So Alison and I went to the Nine Inch Nails show over the week end. Had an amazing time. The crowd was crazy and the music was so good. Im glad that I asked Alison to go with me, dont think I could have had as much fun as I did if I had gone with anyone else. I held on to her so we wouldn't get separated. I think that that made it more fun really. every where that i went, she went. i got pulled into a mosh and pulled her with me....intense.... I did get kicked in the head by a crowd surfer....the best part of the night was probably rocking it with Alison.....

I like my new job.... The people are really nice. the job is easy and the residents love me... some rich old people here. there is one lady who used to sing with all of these famous people and owns like 6 malls. and another whose son owns rodgers stereo. like i said rich... ive worked so many hours in the past 2 weeks...really nice pay check coming my way. very nice indeed.

I like a girl....... flirt with her...but again hold myself from moving ahead.... she might know who she is, its probably obvious anyways...... haha


and like usual..going to finish with something im writing...

"ive been wasting my life for all these years,
wasting my joy, wasting my tears
on all these girls who just break my heart,
say that its over before it can start.
now there is one girl who has it all
everything that i need if i do recall.
she might just be the girl for me
what i need to live happily."