Busy, Busy, Busy!

So life is going by really quickly lately. I haven't had much time to look at whats going on and appreciate it fully. A lot of people and things are changing. Some for the worse and some for the better. I've been doing a little bit of writing recently and I really like what I have so far. I'll throw what I wrote last night later in the post.
School has actually been pretty enjoyable. Well one class has. I'm way ahead of the people in my German class because its introductory German and I have already studied it for 3 years. My Solidworks class is soo much fun. I really enjoy doing the 3d modeling. There is just one problem I have with school and that is the fact that one class ends at 4 and I dont have another class till 6. It would be a waste to leave and come back so I just chill at school. I do my homework and read and listen to music. I constantly text people so that time will pass by faster.
I really enjoy the rain. Every aspect of it. But most of I really enjoy the smell. The smell is just so soothing and relaxing. And the sound is just soo peaceful. There is nothing I love more than a summer shower. We have gotten a lot of rain the past few days. I just hope its not raining on Thursday when I head down to Columbia to see the USC-NCSTATE game. Although, it would be pretty sweet to be at a game where its raining.
That game is the start to a very busy next few weeks. Thursday- football game. then saturday going to see Needtobreath, the wallflowers, and state of illusion in anderson. Next saturday Im going to see needtobreathe with alison at the handlebar. then the next saturday is bob's wedding, which i need to find a date to. haha. the saturday after that it's back down to columbia for the USC-Wofford game, and then hopefully the saturday after that will be back in the Cola once more for the USC-UAB game. hope things work out that way. Maybe some things will also happen to allow for me to be extra busy in the near future.
I do need to find time for someone and something very important though. KNZ has always been there for me and for her birthday she wants all her friends to make a page for her scrapbook. I really hope I can find time to get over there and do that for her.
So I promised that I would include my newest writing at the end so here it is. It is still in the works. things in hte "( )" marks might possibly be traded for things it the "[ ]" marks.

Though the sun is gone, I still have a light.
Its not too hard to see whats in plain sight.
You're standing there right in front of me
yet im somebody else, not at all me.
the days are shorter and the nights are cold
your holding me up, dont want to see me fold.
i grap your hand and hold on tightly,
[i close my eyes, wish for what could be] (could be blind and still be able to see)
(its all)[whats] laid out here, our paths have met
wondering if destinies are set

Counting Down the Moments Till I reach Nirvana....

So last time I posted on here I said that I had some moves that I felt that I need to make. Well, I havent made those moves.....yet... I feel like I am getting more confident with what I do and say. I have a lot of friends backing me up and who will always be there if I need them. I just want them to know how happy I am to have them. They all know who they are. If youre not sure if youre one of those people just think.. if you have ever helped me with anything..no matter how small..then you are one of those people. Thank you.
So I had some time to talk to David. I like helping him out. Give him some advice on girls and stuff. Though I havent been too lucky keeping a girl myself, I feel like Ive been through enough stuff and I actually pay attention to whats going on. That in its self makes me someone good to go to. Im not sure if he wants the advice cause he never asks for it...but I feel good giving it too him. I want him to succeed.... and do well. He has a great heart. and Im not afraid to say that I love him to death. He has been one of the greatest friends that I have ever had.
The main purpose of this post is to talk about something BIG but not really that big.. I keep getting closer to making the moves that I keep talking about. Confidence is growing... There is this one girl that I have found myself to really like. She is really cool and a great friend. Hopefully soon I will be able to make those moves. And maybe she will feel the same way. Maybe I'll finally have found the girl that all my friends say I deserve. But I dont want to go on and on about the same thing. haha. So I'm going to go back to listening to music..The Automatic Automatic album is pretty amazing. everyone should own it. And then go to bed and head to work tomorrow.

Holding myself back

So Life.......yeah... its been great and its been bad. When I think I'm heading to where I want to be I end up holding myself back and not getting there. I dont know why I do it. I realize that I truly have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So why not just take the leap? Get what I want.... I'm not sure of that answer. Its probably some sort of insecurity caused by something...wish I knew what. Maybe there is some one who could help me find it and deal with it. Or someone who doesnt really care about what ever it is that makes me insecure...and just likes me for who I am and maybe more. Maybe... just maybe, that person has been right in front of me for the longest time too. There are people I like, of course. One in particular..... But I flirt with them and dont do anything more and they end up passing me by. I lay in bed and night and wonder why...and even think about times I shouldve made a move and how I wouldve done it... Thats the problem with my life. There are a lot of "shouldves" and wouldves". Nothing too definite.... I wish that I could look back at those situations and say that I DID WHAT I now feel like I shouldve done. And as I look forward at situations I plan what I will/want to do. and do I end up doing it.....NO. But I want to..but again something is holding me back. You would think with the way I am able to open myself up for the world to see that I would be able to figure it out...... Maybe.....Hopefully.... If not its just going to be more of the same...me living life pretending to be fine.. Well I am fine....just not as good as I want to be. No where as happy as I could be. But hopefully soon I will take the actions that I feel like I should... and have the life I want to have..

Look for a new writing from me in the next few days working on a song/poem thing....

First Day

So I've been thinking a lot about life. I feel that I need an outlet for my thoughts. I have began to write music with my friend David, and I really like what I am hearing so far. Most of the stuff that I write is about girls and my journey on the road that is life. The funny think is that most the stuff will be about girls that I am not with. I like them but haven't taken the steps to make it anything. That seems to be a problem I have, not being able to act on my thoughts. I think into things way too much and it prevents me from being as happy as I could be. I'm going to end this post with what I posted on facebook yesterday.

"this started out as a song. but then ended up more like a poem. but still probably could be a song. its me having a conversation with myself. trying to figure some things out. its about feeling blue and sad and whatever even though the world is beautiful. its about not being able to open myself up to say what i need to say and letting moments past me by, or how i let girls past me by. i'm tired of being the guy who flirts with girls but finds it hard to take it past that. i'm trying to change myself. which im not sure if i really should. all these girls keep telling me that im a really nice/good guy...but that isnt doing much for me. its like the saying says "nice guys finish last" i told that to my mom the other day and her response was "hey, atleast they finish. some people dont even make it that far." that got me thinking. which can either be a really good thing..or a bad thing....but i do feel that change is coming. all i have to do is sort out some thoughts and act on what i find. im expecting big things from myself soon.. maybe some things i thought i would never be able to do.but i'm going to need some help to keep me down to earth and help me keep everything that im aiming for realistic. i feel like it wont be a problem. but i also cant tell the future.

so here is my poem now that ive given everyone the meaning to it.. but i hope you can find you own meanings in my words. "

conversation with myself

i say "hello,
how are you?
why are you looking so blue?
do you even have a clue?
A sunny day
has come your way.
so what are you gonna go do?
your day all depends on you."

you say "hello
i dont know
why im feeling so blue.
no i dont have a clue.
i'll live my life
the best i can
thats about all i can do
so what about you?"

i say "well
that is fine
all you have is time
and i'm doing quite fine.
i need to say
whats on my mind
the times have changed
yet the thoughts remain."

you say "ok
go ahead
open it all up for the world to see
you know that you can trust me
spill it out
have no regrets.
its not as easy as it all sounds
but peace is there to be found."

I say "see.
i dont know
if thats all me
that i see when i look at the mirror.
i seem to hold my self back
i dont want to
but i do.
is there anyway to help me
any way to set myself free?"