just a little bit

Today has pretty much been the same as any other day. Recently I have found myself to be a bit down. Money and things are the main reason. I've really been considering joining the Air Force. It makes so much sense in my head. I kinda feel like I've outgrown myself.....

What a great but long weekend

Well let me start with Friday night. Every other Friday me and a few people from work go out to eat to celebrate the pay day. Well this time one of my co-workers, Sarah, invited the girl from the coffee shop, savana, who I have a thing for. we went to saskatoons and I ate kangaroo. It was a bad place to invite Savana to because she is a vegetarian and this is a steak and wild game type of place. but she did seem to enjoy her meal. we then decided to go to a club. I told my parents that I was downtown eating ice cream and then going to wildwings, i did it because I knew that my mom wouldnt let me go if I told the truth. Well we go to the club, The Castle, and I found out that Sarah took me to a gay club, but it was fine because there were a bunch of straight people there and I was with Savana. We shot some pool, which i completely sucked at but that just gave me more topics to talk to savana about. Sarah and Savana began to drink, a lot. Savana and I danced a bit and then they had a drag show. We werent really paying attention to the drag show. During the drag show Savana looked back at me and sarah and said "i think justin needs a kiss" and then preceded to kiss me. we kissed again later on. I loved hanging with Savana, she is so cute when she has been drinking. Well we left the club at about 12:30 and went back to the coffee shop were we originally met. I decided to take Savana home since she lives close to me. On the way, she puked all over my car. She was quite embarrassed by this the next day, but I told her that it was fine, that it really didn't bother me. It really didn't.

The next morning, I felt like crap. I figured that it was my nerves because I had lied to my parents about where I was so I told my mom everything and everywhere that I was. The punishment that I received was that I cant do any unnecessary driving. That means I can only drive places that they tell me to, or work. I'm ok with that because I think I deserve worse than that. I went and saw Savana at Carolina Coffee Roasters 3 times that day.

I worked all day today, didnt go to Carolina Coffee Roasters because Savana had the day off. She leaves for England in 8 days and will be gone for about a month. I'm going to miss her a lot. Maybe I'll ask her out when she gets back since we have so much in common. I dont even have her phone number but she sees me as a good friend. I'll have to make sure to get on to that one tomorrow.

new happenings

I spent the morning chopping wood today. It was my form of meditation. It was so relaxing. It was just me and the wood. nothing else. I thought a lot about life. I dont really have feelings for Ashley anymore. I have began to grow fond of Savana, the girl that works at the coffee shop that I go to as much as twice a day. She is a very cool girl, and from what I can tell we have a lot in common. We spent a little while today talking about things and it all just seems to click. I was shy but I am beginning to get out of that. She was invited to go to dinner with us on friday by sarah. Sarah keeps telling me to ask he out and that she knows for a fact that she would way yes. I think that I might ask her to go with me to a show on Tuesday....hopefully she will say yes.

Been a bit lacking...

Its been a while old friend. It seems like yesterday that I created you to express to the world how I feel. But I neglected you, but no more shall it be like that.


I have been having a lot of mixed feelings. Whether it be in life, love, or about anything else that your mind might ponder upon. I've been feeling slightly confused on where I want to go with life. I dont feel motivated to work hard in school... i never do home work or study for tests. and i'm just barely getting by if i am getting by at all.

love is another question in my life. im not out searching for it. but there is this one girl that i like. problem is that she has a boyfriend, but they break up all the time and we flirt. her boyfriend told her that he is afraid that she deserves/will find someone better. im glad he recognizes that.

The Nothing that Kils

I dont what to get anything out of this. I've actually come to expect nothing for anything that I do. Its the way the world is...not cruel, not forgiving, but in the same sense, not happy, not kind, and not condeming. The world is confused. Any chance that anybody has to be kind is shot down by anothers abuse. Its quite sad. In a world where no one wants to give without first taking, or even worse...take without giving anything. I'm done.....Done with it all. But in the same sense I'm just starting it all. I have a new theory on life, I'm going to stop caring...while I care about everything. Life is one big rhetorical question. No answer..yet the answer is obvious. Life is also a metaphor for what comes next and what came first. The worst has to become the best...but you dont know what the worst is until you have seen the best. Its always cold before it is hot and hot before it is cold.....


So none of that probably made anysense to you...but it all makes sense to me. Love is life, life is breathing, love is not being able to breathe. This will be continued later...

good Day

I am much much much much much happier today. It probably has a lot to do with me talking to Faith a lot more. She is a very funny girl. Always has something funny to say that makes me smile. We are the same person. That is how much we have in common. Its to a point where we are one.

I love this time of year. The leaves changing color and the weather growing cool. It depresses a lot of people, but it inspires me. Its a good season to listen to some mellow accoustic music. Love is a better topic for fall than spring, well atleast for me. I dont see this as being the death of the world, nor do I see spring as being a rebirth. its too cliche to think like that. Give me a nice walk with a girl and a guitar bye the lake or something in the fall. I think its a lot more romantic than flowers and animals in the spring.

new poem. its not the best. but its unpolished. in its rough form. just writing here at the gville tech computer lab. not my best and def not my worst. more to come peoples....



About Love

The lessons you learn will take you far in life
And even if I’m not there with you
I want you to know that I care.
Even when it seems like I’m far away
I always wish I was by your side.
I’ll write you a note on a napkin
At the diner where I weep.
Though you cant read it
It’ll say the things that I cant speak.
It’ll say what I really want you to know.
Itll spell it all out before your eyes.

The sound of your voice
Will be my home away from home
A temporary comfort zone.
When we are together again
I’ll hold on and never let you slip away.
For now you picture will have to do
Stuck in my pocket, folded in two.
I’ll always keep it close by.
I’m tired of playing games in my mind.
It makes me feel so distant from you.
Stuck here wondering what to do

If love is a killer than I must be long gone,
Far Past the point of 6 feet under.
I just wish that you knew
What was going through my mind
Every time I see your smile
Or anytime you make me laugh
You are so good at that
Saying exactly what I want
Now its time to return the favor
But I just don’t have the words.
So I just stumble through lines

So many times I’ve let myself down
When every place I go
I cant help but to think of you.
Every song I write is for you
Even the ones that don’t end well
I’ve been through a lot
Just to make it to this point.
So im going to tell you the truth
Im sick, sick of being alone.
And I hope that you feel the same.
Make it easy for me please.

The distance is metaphorical.
A representation of what’s not real.
I could treat you like a queen
I would be your king,
Or if you prefer a jester.
Who longs for your heart.
But jokes to create a false reality.
Shoot it to me straight
Do I even have a shot?
I long for the answers
I just want to know.